THE POWER TOWER
Being at the losing end of every relationship can't be a coincidence.
To understand what was going on, I had to dig deeper. Convinced that there was something wrong, I decided it was all my fault, .and it was but not in the literal sense. Growing up, children are trained to listen to parents at home and Teachers at school. Rules need to be followed and they were, well, most of the time. Rules formed with the intent of safety, security and well being of a child make sense.
As adults, The dynamics change, or so you imagine. The boss or colleague at work; the In-law or a young adult at home, it doesn't matter. Everyone deserves respect, a lifelong friend even me. I just wish I had understood this earlier. Then it hit me, I saw the pattern.
If your childhood is scarred with trauma and turmoil. Peace is what you will aim for and not upsetting anyone will be your prerogative, resulting in damage, you will spend the rest of your life trying to undo. The only person important here is you. You will end up paying in ways you can't imagine.
That's when I realized that it was me teaching others what I will and won't accept. Not by telling them mind you, but by allowing others say and do things that I never held them accountable for. This, I wasn't taught and by the time I learned it was too late. Unecessary pain, torture, grief and rejection had to be endured for nothing. It wasn't worth it.
Changing the rules after someone has learned to play the game is a design for failure.
Staying quiet is not a sign of respect, it's a sign of weakness resulting in resentment. Especially if you know what people are doing is wrong, unjust and unethical. Under these circumstances no relationship will survive, it will end and everyone walks away bitter and disappointed. The purpose is lost. everyone on their side thinks they've won, but to anyone who is worth a grain of salt, it is clear to see that it was a complete waste of time and effort. Mistakes like this are expensive to anyone who understands what it costs them.
Few things to keep in mind to live and win.
- Explore the environment you're stepping into, Get to know all the players.
- Question everything you hear. It doesn't matter whom, Age, relationship, and designation are irrelevant culturally speaking.
- Ask your self if this is something you want to do. If it isn't; learn to say NO.
- Don't be a yes man; agreeing to everything; You will be taken advantage of; and held in contempt.
- Commit only to what you can do, but remember there'll be hell to pay if you don't carry through
- Understand your limitations.be honest. don't set yourself up to fail by promising what you cannot deliver.
- Everyone wants everything, and if they can get it they will. What will you get?
- No one deserves everything, so stop being a Martyr in a war that isn't yours.
- Boundaries are good Create them for your well being and others as well.
- Don't allow anyone to belittle you verbally. physically, emotionally or mentally. No one is allowed. I mean no one. It all start's with a raised voice or a tone. Stop them there.
Teaching people how you want to be treated depends solely on what you will and won't accept from others. Tempering your words with kindness helps create a space that fosters trust. Use that space to be honest about yourself & them. Correction is necessary, but the way to do that is to seek permission first. People are more accepting if they feel they are in control of the situation. Ask them how they feel and what they would like to add. This brings up any issues that you may have been in the dark about earlier.
If the purpose is to win and win big, be honest, be ethical, and be accountable. If you believe that there is any other way when dealing with people, you will find yourself responsible for demolishing what you tried to build. Anything that is worth doing right takes time and patience. People are messy but that's what makes the challenge of getting through to them all the more rewarding.
Your thoughts....Let me know....
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