FALLING IN LOVE AFTER 40

 

 At 43, I  found myself in a place I never imagined I'd be. I was in love at 41. 

 Ideally a woman in her 40's is expected to be married with children-- plural; all grown and comfortably on their way almost an empty nester so to speak; enjoying the prosperity of her choosing and having fulfilled her responsibilities could layback and possibly enjoy the next phase of life,   

 Fate did not see fit to let me conform to this idea of normal. Instead everything about me wired to go against the grain did. Any storm that could find its way seemed to land in my backyard.

Love in all its form at any age is still love. I've experienced this awesome feeling over that last 3 years. It's made me jump crazily out of bed looking forward to work and there was this constant hum of satisfaction to everything I did.

Let's start with why; people say that we love others because they are beautiful, I believe others are beautiful simply because we love them. There is something about the other person's voice and smile that can make my day unlike anything else. 

Every interaction, every disagreement and every space of silence shared can be magical. You know the feeling of butterflies in your stomach when you both are in the same room and you're ignoring each other, because heaven forbid the other person found out and did not feel the same.

That longing and shame that's driving you insane; that looking for signs and reading signals that may or may not be there. Trying to understand this person in a whole new light. It's all very exciting. Suddenly life takes on this whole new shade of  pink. You're looking forward to everything like its happening for the first time. 

I'm not a weakling and it's not that I don't want to confess how I feel to the other person. It's a little more complicated than that. We both are not in the same place in our lives to make any decisions about this. If I thought the other person  felt the same way I'd be sure to do something about it. There are a lot of other things at play here more than I feel I'm equipped to deal with.

I'm not jaded or cynical about my past. I'm hopeful and  exuberant about every experience I have. Being in love is a state of mind and I feel that everyone should be in love always. I know that it sounds cliché' but it's true. When in love we are more forgiving, more willing to see things from another perspective. 

Having exited the teenage years of genuine naivety, love takes on a whole new hue. we see people for who and what they truly are' we are willing and able to overlook their flaws as opposed to living in denial and only having eyes for how great you are.

We would love it if you felt the same way too but if not; like in most cases where it won't be, that's okay too. We will live and happily so independent of you and how you feel. It's just no sweat. 

I don't know if  that gnawing pain that is associated is love is something that is worth feeling anymore. This is just my experience and something I've had to deal with. How about you ??? lemme know...